I Missed My Son’s First Steps. It Hurts, but I’ll be OK
I missed my son’s first steps. Its the sacrifice of a working mother, providing for your family and fulfilling your personal calling, all while knowing that you might not get to witness every “first” of your baby.
And first steps – that’s a big one. At least everyone has been making it feel that way.
It’s the question we’re constantly answering: “Is he walking yet?”. We’ve been cautious to not rush the milestones, knowing he would grow quickly and that he would eventually achieve them all. The only thing we rush is trying to pay attention, watching his developments and learning unfold, not being distracted or taking him for granted. Despite all this, we missed his first steps.
Honestly, it hurts a little.
But I’m learning to be OK with this, because there are so many first and other memories that nobody gets to claim. We got to meet him first. The first time anybody ever held him was me. I was the first to feed him. I got to comfort him first, watch him roll over for the first time, see his first smiles, hear his first laughs and “Mama” and “Da-da”. We got to give him his first bath, his first car ride, and his first kisses. We got the first hugs and the first tantrum. The first day of school, the first girlfriend, the first driving lesson, the first graduation: Those are ours. He will give us the first “I love you” and our first grandchild.
In reality, I won’t be able to be there for everything. It’s just not guaranteed. Had he not walked with that caregiver, it could have been another, or with Dad, or when I wasn’t looking. While I can’t witness it all, I do promise to be there for him on the other side. I’ll kiss the boo-boo, wipe the tears, and look for monsters under the bed. I’ll counsel him through interactions with the school bully, teach him how to manage his money, and be the stable woman between every girlfriend. I’ll wait for him to call when he’s at college, and I’ll answer every call in the middle of the night when his baby has a fever or won’t stop crying.
I could be upset that I missed those first steps, but I’m choosing to be thankful that he’s developing, learning, and growing, because so many nights have I prayed to have one more day with him. I did miss the first steps, but I am much more grateful that we have a child to take steps at all.
Baby milestone cards here